Elysian Shadows

Well every once in a while whenever I'm bored I would think of some cool ideas for Sonic until one day I decided to type my story and to put the ideas into it. So here is the first story and I'm starting up a series of it. :D
Oh and before you read this story I must tell you that Dr. Eggman's real name is Dr. Robotnik.

Dr. Robotnik’s Hell razor
By Marx Chaotix

Warning: Before reading this all of you must know that if you like stories when the good guys always win and the bad guys lose then you shouldn’t read this. Also that you might feel sad and depressed after reading this story. I’m just warning you before you read this.

Chapter one hell brakes loose
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“I hate you get the hell out of my house!” Yelled Sonic after kicking Tails out of his house. Sonic throws Tail’s stuff at him and slams the door.
Knuckles starts walking down the street holding a beverage in his hand and walks by Sonics house and sees Tails sitting next to the street with tears running down his face. “What’s wrong Tails, and what happened and why are you holding all your stuff?” Asked Knuckles giving him a confused look.
“Well Sonic and I got into a big fight today and he threw me out of his house”. Sobbed Tails. “Well I guess I should go find a place to stay at.” Said Tails holding back some tears. Tails starts walking away holding a briefcase.
Chapter two hopes and happiness
***************************
“Poor guy I feel bad for him.” Says Knuckles with tears of sorrow drizzling down his face.
“Hey Tails wait up!” Hollered Knuckles. “I will let you stay at my house if you want to.”
Tails stops and turns around. “Really you would do that for me?” Says Tails smiling with hope.
“Sure why not.” Says Knuckles smiling. “Here I will take you to my house on Angel Island.”
Knuckles and Tails start running toward Angel Island the home of the legendary chaos emeralds not knowing that the evil madman scientist Dr. Robotnik is hiding behind bushes.
“Hehehe it looks like Sonic and Tails got into a little fight today.” Snickered Dr. Robotnik. “Now this can be used to my advantage of conquering Mobius!” Yelled Dr. Robotnik. “Now my master plan can’t fail me this time I will succeed and become king of the planet.”
“Wow I forgot about how big this place was!” Said Tails in astonishment. “Yup nothing like home.” Said Knuckles.
After that moment Tails began to remember the day Sonic found him in the forest when he was a little baby fox. “Hey what are you doing here out all by yourself? Your parents must be worried sick.” “Googa!!” Said Tails with an innocent look. After that Sonic has searched for hours and hours for the baby foxes parents but could not find them anywhere. Until then he realizes that his name is on his necklace and it says Miles Tails Prower on it. “I’m sorry Miles I can’t find your parents, I guess that I have to take care of you and I will call you Tails ok.” Said Sonic with tears in his eyes. But baby Tails was already asleep bundled up in nice soft warm blankets.
“Hey Tails watch out in front of you!” Hollered Knuckles from a distance. Fwam!!! “Ouch! That hurt like hell.” Said Tails rubbing his head. “What were you doing anyway Tails day dreaming, because when you were flying you bashed into this tree.” Said Knuckles pointing to a big tree. “Oh I was just remembering the time when Sonic found me and took care of me” Said Tails with a sad look
. “Well we are here at Angel Island and this is my home.” Said knuckles with a happy face.
Chapter three Team Chaotix
***********************
“But Knuckles I have a question if you were with me then who was guarding the chaos emeralds and the master emerald?” Said Tails with a worried look. “Ah don’t worry Tails my hommies were here I am apart of a club called Team Chaotix, come I will show you them.” Knuckles sped off into his house. “Hey guys watsup?” Said Knuckles with a smile. Then in the room Tails saw four guys standing there with smiles on their faces. “Tails I would like to introduce you to my hommies their names are Vecter the crocodile, Espio the chameleon, Charmy the bee, and last but certainly not least Mighty the armadillo.” Said Knuckles with a proud look on his face.
“Well how come whenever I came to Angel Island before they weren’t here before?” Said Tails. “It’s because they lived somewhere else and they came back because of how big of a pain in the ass it was to guard this place, now all of us are guardians are living here and if you want to you can help us guard this place to.” “Really I can become a guardian to!?” Said Tails in an excited voice. “Why of course you can Tails.” Said Team Chaotix. “But you will need to train to become strong enough to guard it” Said Espio in a serious voice.
Chapter four feelings and thoughts
******************************
“Ok then you are now a guardian of the chaos emeralds and also apart of Team Chaotix.” Said Vecter in a cheerful voice. “But tomorrow we will begin our training because it’s getting late.” Said Charmy. “So Knuckles showed him to his room and Tails unpacked all of his belongings but while he was he pulled out a picture of Sonic and Tails Smiling and laughing and his necklace that he wore when Sonic found him. Tears began to drip from his face. “Why did this have to happen to me!?” Now time to get back to Sonic.
After Sonic threw him out of the house he began to think to himself. “Why did this happen? “Why did I throw him out of the house?” Then Sonic walked over to a picture of Tails and Sonic at the beach relaxing having a beverage and chillin. Also for the first time in all of Sonic’s life he started to cry. “Why did this have to happen to us? We are best friends and Tails is my little bro’ we never fought never.” Hours came by and then Sonic checked the time. “It’s getting late I guess I will go look for Tails and apologize tomorrow and everything will be back to normal” Said Sonic. But until then I will go to bed. So he did. Not knowing how wrong he was.
Chapter five the guardian training begins
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“Tails get up it’s time for our guardian training!” Hollered Charmy. “Ok okay I’m getting up.” Yawned Tails as he started to get ready for the morning. When he walked downstairs he saw the rest of Team Chaotix at the table eating some toast and drinking their morning coffee. “Good morning Tails did you sleep well?” Said knuckles. “Yep I sure did.” Said Tails. “Well today is the big day because all of us are going to train you to become a powerful guardian.” Said Espio in a very serious voice.

End of Story 1# I hope you enjoyed the first book the second one will come soon.


So what did you think of it did you like it did you hate it please post your results and what I can do to make it better.

Check your punctuation. And you keep switching from past to present tense--very annoying.

I didn't read it though...

Then how come you know if that is true if yow didn't read the story? Oh and also I was up late last night very tired that could be the cause of what you said.

I read the first two sentences. The first one has an obvious lack of commas and misused capitalization. It also establishes past-tense. Then you use present-tense verbs in the second sentence.

Don't worry, it might be good. I'll just read the whole thing later when I feel more up to it.

I will go read over it and find the mistakes until then if you want to read the story I put right there.

It's okay...

Puncutation is a big part here, as is your writing sequence. I think you should take a few reading and writing classes before you write the next one.

Onthe other hand, I liked the storyline, although I skimmed through chapter 4. Well thought out. Not bad for a first stab at a story.

It was decent. It lacked structure and proper writing mechanics, but the actual story was okay. I did find it a little predictable and childish, but I guess it resembles the style of the games. Also, try to work on your word choice. In real life, most people would say drink, or cola before they would say beverage. Word choice was a little odd, but I guess it works.

I read the first two chapters. The story is pretty good. You should make it a bit longer if you ever want to really do anything with it. Run it through Microsoft Word.

Marx, believe me, I know it's hard to write stories about video games. I've tried. It was a novel that I'd spent about 4 months working on. I cancelled out almost everything to work on it. I got it finished and actually sent it to a local publishing company. They rejected it (they said something about it not having enough interesting ideas or some shit like that, and that I was too young). So don't just type whatever comes to mind. Plan video game related stories out before you type.

I always have to put an exploding sheep in my stories.

Also, do you have a writing assessment thing at your school?
I got a six on my story.

i did to pwned??!

I got a little bored at work here and tried to clean it up. Some of it is kind of funny still because I tried to maintain the original sentences, and therefore specific meanings, but it's much better than it was. I just went over it once.

Chapter One: Hell Breaks Loose
************************
“I hate you! Get the hell out of my house!” yelled Sonic after kicking Tails out of his house. Sonic threw Tail’s stuff at him and slammed the door.

Knuckles was walking near Sonic's house with a beverage in his hand when he saw Tails sitting next to the street with tears running down his face. “What’s wrong, Tails? What happened? And why are you holding all your stuff?” asked Knuckles, giving him a confused look.

“Well... Sonic and I got into a big fight today and he threw me out of his house,” sobbed Tails. “I guess I should go find a place to stay at,” Tails said, holding back some tears. He started walking away with a briefcase in his hand.

Chapter Two: Hopes and Happiness
***************************

“Poor guy. I feel bad for him,” said Knuckles with tears of pity drizzling down his face. “Hey, Tails! Wait up!” he hollered. “I'll let you stay at my house if you want to.”

Tails stopped and turned around. “Really? You would do that for me?” he said, smiling with hope.

“Sure, why not?” said Knuckles, smiling. “Here, I will take you to my house on Angel Island.”

Knuckles and Tails ran toward Angel Island, the home of the legendary Chaos Emeralds, not knowing that the evil madman scientist Dr. Robotnik was hiding behind some nearby bushes.

“It looks like Sonic and Tails got into a little fight today,” snickered Dr. Robotnik. “Now this can be used to my advantage in conquering Mobius! My master plan can’t fail me this time! I will finally succeed and become king of the planet!” he yelled.

“Wow! I forgot about how big this place was!” said Tails in astonishment.

“Yup. Nothing like home,” said Knuckles.

After that moment Tails began to remember the day Sonic found him in the forest when he was a little baby fox. “Hey, what are you doing here out all by yourself? Your parents must be worried sick!”

“Googa!!” said Tails with an innocent look. After that Sonic searched for hours and hours for the baby fox's parents but could not find them anywhere. He soon noticed the fox's necklace, which had his name, "Miles Tails Prower," on it.

“I’m sorry, Miles. I can’t find your parents. I guess that I have to take care of you. I'll call you Tails, okay?” said Sonic, with tears in his eyes. Baby Tails, however, was already asleep bundled up in nice soft warm blankets.

“Hey, Tails! Watch out in front of you!” hollered Knuckles from a distance.

Fwam!

“Ouch! That hurt like hell!” exclaimed Tails, rubbing his head.

“What were you doing anyway, Tails? Day dreaming? When you were flying you bashed into this tree,” said Knuckles, pointing to a big tree.

“Oh, I was just remembering the time when Sonic found me and took care of me,” said Tails with a sad look.

“Well, we are here at my home in Angel Island,” said Knuckles with a happy face.

Chapter Three: Team Chaotix
***********************

“Hey, Knuckles. I have a question. If you were with me, then who was guarding the Chaos Emeralds and the Master Emerald?” said Tails with a worried look.

“Ah, don’t worry Tails. My homies were here. I am a part of a club called Team Chaotix. Come, I will introduce you to them.” Knuckles sped off into his house. “Hey, guys! Watsup?” he said with a smile.

In the room Tails saw four guys standing there, smiling.

“Tails, I would like to introduce you to my homies. Their names are: Vecter the crocodile, Espio the chameleon, Charmy the bee, and last, but certainly not least, Mighty the armadillo,” Knuckles said, with a proud look on his face.

“Well, how come whenever I came to Angel Island before they weren’t here?” asked Tails.

“It’s because they lived somewhere else and they came back because of how big of a pain in the ass it was to guard this place. Now all of us guardians are living here. If you want to, you can help us guard this place too.

“Really? I can become a guardian to!?” Tails asked excitedly.

“Why, of course you can, Tails,” said Team Chaotix.

“But you will need to train to become strong enough to guard it,” Espio stated in a serious voice.

Chapter Four: Feelings and Thoughts
******************************

“Okay, then. You are now a guardian of the Chaos Emeralds and a member of Team Chaotix,” said Vecter in a cheerful voice.

“It's getting late, so we will begin your training tomorrow,” said Charmy.

Knuckles showed him to his room and Tails began to unpack his belongings. When he came across a picture of him and Sonic smiling and laughing, tears began to drip from his face. “Why did this have to happen to me!?” he yelled in anguish.

***********

After Tails was thrown out of the house, Sonic began to think to himself.
Why did this happen?
Why did I throw him out of the house?

Sonic walked over to a picture of Tails and himself at the beach relaxing, having a beverage, and just chillin'. For the first time in all of Sonic’s life, he started to cry.

“Why did this have to happen to us? We are best friends! Tails is my little bro’! We never fought! Never!” Hours crept by before Sonic realized what time it was.

“It’s getting late. I guess I will have to look for Tails and apologize to him tomorrow. Then everything will be back to normal,” said Sonic. "Until then, I will go to bed." So he did, not knowing how wrong he was.

Chapter Five: The Guardian Training Begins
***********************************

“Tails! Get up! It’s time for your guardian training!” hollered Charmy.

“Okay, okay. I’m getting up,” Tails yawned as he started to get ready for the morning. When he walked downstairs he saw the rest of Team Chaotix at the table eating toast and drinking their morning coffee.

“Good morning, Tails! Did you sleep well?” asked Knuckles.

“Yep, I sure did,” answered Tails.

“Well, today is the big day. Today we are going to train you to become a powerful guardian,” Espio said in a very serious voice.

Looks better.

It bored the crap out of me. Wasn't worth reading so I didn't finish.

I think it has potential.