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EVERYONE READ PLEASE!!! :3

Posted: Sun Oct 11, 2009 5:04 am
by MadPumpkin
So... Without me letting you know what purpose this text serves. How does it sound? I will be adding to it, changing, and editing later. Is this good for now... As a draft?
Long ago, but not long after the planet Pallenseif had been forged. Technologic advances had increased ten fold upon this newly born planet. Entire cities were created purely from electronic design, giant structures floating on computer powered, pods towered over the land. Flying vehicles and buildings surrounded the planet. Pallenseif seemed to be a wonderful place for many years to pass.

However, just as things seemed to be getting better and better, a man with great power over the land Put a team together, and began to work on a weapon of global destruction. It was a machine that he would use to send signals around the planet and destroy all things electronic. He hadn't been working long before problems arose. He was found by a team of agents who had been sent to dispatch him and his project from the world.

Although they fought strong and for a long time. He managed to get away with all of his research. After that, no one knew where he had hidden, to work alone. As all of his followers had died protecting the project. 3 years later he announced that he had finished designing a powerful tool of world domination over all networks and broadcasting stations.

No one could find where the signal was derived from. With his plan being said, and the world around all knowing of what was to come, many tried and failed to stop him. Nobody could find him. His plan went under go 2 days later. All around the world, electronic devices began to collapse, some slowly stopped working, and some just didn't function as they used to.

Crashes in systems caused all global and legal information to be ruined. The land was in chaos by this time. Buildings came crashing toward the ground, all things in the air hurled down to Pallenseif. When Pallenseif began to crush under itself, the world was expriencing massive quakes causing many people to fall and collapse.

The quakes had killed over six million people. The people of Pallenseif had lost their memories after the quakes. Most who could remember, tried to forget. Those who chose not to forget, passed the stories on to their children and their children had passed on these tales... After many generations nearly all was forgotten of what the planet once was...

10 years after what is now called "The Fall of Pallenseif", a new technology came into the world. All had forgotten about the old technology called electricity, and began learning the art which we now call mechanics. Machines were being built all around the world for uses such as war, manufacturing other machines, building structures, drilling holes into the planet below, and other things of the like.

Man kind now pilot robots covering the land. The new found science is still under development, and will continue to be for years to come. A dark brownish mist fills the land around, all water has been poluted after The Fall. Rivers and lakes of oil are abundant around Pallenseif. Their is no law... Their is no rule... Their is no reign... And their is no control. You live in a world of Anarchy... You live in the world of steam and machines...
I'm also going to be making this into multiple different paragraphs... Seeing as though it's kind of... Not.

EDIT: Fixed 2 spelling errors lol.
Their will be an option to skip this obviously its not going to be some scrolling text that you HAVE to read to continue.
Their... Don't complain about the paragraph formatting being WAYY off. I know that sentences aren't neccesarrily in the right order and I know that the breaks are obviously in the wrong places. I just did that for readability... And because it was pissing me off.

Re: EVERYONE READ PLEASE!!! :3

Posted: Sun Oct 11, 2009 11:57 am
by Joeyotrevor
Wall of text

Re: EVERYONE READ PLEASE!!! :3

Posted: Sun Oct 11, 2009 2:14 pm
by MarauderIIC
tl;dr
Paragraph breaks would be nice.

Re: EVERYONE READ PLEASE!!! :3

Posted: Sun Oct 11, 2009 2:27 pm
by Pickzell
Reminds me of Starglaive in that sense. It's good if you're targeting towards people who like sci fi. If you're directing it to some other audience then I would strongly suggest you take writing classes or something.

P.S. I'm going to take a wild guess and say it's the exposition of a video game.

Re: EVERYONE READ PLEASE!!! :3

Posted: Mon Oct 12, 2009 12:44 am
by MadPumpkin
Pickzell wrote:Reminds me of Starglaive in that sense. It's good if you're targeting towards people who like sci fi. If you're directing it to some other audience then I would strongly suggest you take writing classes or something.

P.S. I'm going to take a wild guess and say it's the exposition of a video game.
Yes it is targeting sci fi lovers obviously. And I couldn't take writing classes if I wanted too, seeing as though I just barely turned 14...
It's the sort of exposition or intro to a text based RPG... I know, I know... "why the hell would you make a text based video game Josh?!?" Well say that to my Sinclair Spectrum or my Comadore64 and you'll get your ass kicked by the ice climbers. I personally LOVE text based games. That's all I played for like 2 years of my life.

P.S. Good job :]. I was going to die laughing if everyone was to stupid to realize that... It wasn't really a secret especially with me adding that last line