Elysian Shadows

I'm using this post as a form of ventilation, motivation, and possible understanding. Feel free to move it to the relevant section if it's in the wrong one.
Maybe someone might even gain something from this post, I don't know. Maybe even offer suggestions to me.
But anyway, I'm going to begin.

I'm 18 years old, nearly 19. My motivation is, if it could be calculated numerically, in the negatives and beyond.
I haven't exactly achieved much in my life, mostly sitting on my arse, browsing the internet. Wishing for a miracle to happen. I've always been a creative person and never had an outlet, and have been envious of those children and people I've known growing up because their parents gave them a hobby to do at a young age, and now they are 'masters' or their chosen craft and/or art. Or even both.

I don't know what I want to do with myself, however I am taking an ICT course at college. Sadly, as you all know public education is at an all time low. I cannot afford private programming lessons, due to financial circumstances or anything private for that matter.

I got kicked out of my house 3 days before my 18th birthday, and have been living with a relative ever since. Life was really bad. I managed to convince my relative to get internet.
Life is looking bleak but everything leading up until now has just made me a mentally weaker human being.
No goals. No motives. Nothing. I feel broken and my goals seem more unobtainable each day.

I can pick up mostly anything relatively easily. I am proud that I am a confident person in my opinions and dreams. I love motivating other people. To see other people strive is a fantastic feeling, but also a curse.
Envy kicks in, then jealousy, then sadness. It is a vicious cycle for me.


I am good at writing, but see no point as their are billions of successful authors. I would like to program, but then you see Notch of Mojang, or the gang at Elysian Shadows, and you feel pitiful. Less of a being.
I could run for miles, to keep fit. But I'm going to die anyway, no matter how hard I try to preserve my body.
I feel pessimistic at times, but I know if somehow, somewhere, I got a boost of motivation, I could be one of the most successful beings on this planet.
Keyword being 'could'.

I'm not looking for sympathy. I would like help though, but I don't even know what kind of help. I do not feel depressed, I just feel, well, 'meh' on a constant basis. You can take what you want from this rant, for better or for worse, I just thought it was relevant to programming as I would like to start, it's just so overwhelming that I give up, because there's no spoon feeding, no light bulb, no light at the end of the tunnel for me and was wondering for suggestions.

Thank you for reading,
Aaron.

Stop giving up, put your mind to something, and achieve. You are your own motivator, it is nobody's job but your own.

Everything worth doing takes time, devotion, and patience. Set goals, and don't stop moving forward until you've met those goals.

Don't bother envying those who have succeeded in your eyes; rather observe them, study their methods, and learn from their mistakes.

But most importantly, you are not alone. Ask for help when you need it, if specific to programming you've already found the perfect place to ask your questions.

There is always someone willing to help you, so long as you show ambition and a will to learn.

You and I have a lot in common. I give up too easily, and I feel the same way about those grand projects some people have made, frustrated, disappointed, and hopeless, sometimes.

But realize don't not do something you want to do because its too difficult, takes too long, or you are a complete beginner, like the guy above me said, it wouldn't be worth it if it wasn't difficult.

You're 18. You are fairly (very) young, to say you have "wasted your life" and that you feel you will never do anything great is like saying you've lost the race before you've even started. I'm 21, and I've been working as a dishwasher for the past four years, playing games everyday and writing a game design. Believe me, I've felt just like you do, I have something like a mental block which just screams "I CAN'T!" in my head every time I think of something I want to do. I ignored almost everyone's advice, but one day I realized that the advice other people give you, especially the ones closest to you are actually right. You just have to follow their advice, its not that hard, so long as you try. What I'm trying to get at is Notch, the Elysian Shadows team, every game developer, famous musician, great painter, writer, pro gamer, every Bill Gates started at the beginning. They were just as confused and clueless as you are. They were newbie's too. You don't just start off as a pro, there would be no pro, because without the newbie's there are no pro's. They worked their asses off trying to do what they wanted to.

I didn't believe this, but there a loads of young people out there who feel just like you and I.

When I was 14, I was playing Halo 2 on Xbox Live, and my team was losing a game of Team Snipers. I wasn't doing too well, and then it hit me: you've got to try, or you will never go anywhere. At that moment, I stepped up my game and kicked ass. I don't remember if we won, but I do remember that after that, I was a prolific sniper.

I literally thought these last couple years "I'm just waiting for something to happen". Nothing did until I stepped up to the plate, and started doing what I wanted. I just finished my first semester of college, I got my driver's permit two weeks ago (I've even got a good car), I've been following Lazy Foo's tutorials and debugging my problems on my own. I've made friends, I haven't had any in the past ten years, and I'm less shy now. I've lost sixty pounds. You can do this to. There is nothing stopping you except your own doubt.

You need to find something that inspires you, that is what makes me drop whatever I am doing and work on it. The internet is a great place to find inspiring things, visit youtube, watch some videos, don't think "they are so much better than me I'll never get there", just think about what you want to do so badly. Visit the website Deviant Art, look at some Art and see if that's your thing. There's poetry, short stories, photography, digital and hand drawn art (you said it yourself you've always been creative, why not choose a medium and go for it?). Get a pandora.com account, listen to some music, and read the biographies of the different artists. You will find that nearly all of them started out small, failed many times, and still made it to the big times through perserverence.

You have to be reliant on yourself, that's part of being an adult, and its much better than being at the mercy of someone else. You can't expect everyone to give you everything, and do everything for you. They can't move your limbs, or make your brain work, and no one controls you, except you.

You said there are billions of authors out there who are successful? Don't think that's such a bad thing, creativity is not a competition. Think of it like this: If there are billions of successful authors, its highly likely you will be successful to!

You have a long life ahead of you, things will get better, I promise. If you need a job, there are great jobs as electricians, plumbers, there's the Job Corps which will give anyone from age 15 to 25 free education in the skill of their choice, room and board, self study, and an allowance. Plumbers and Electricians make a ton of money, and the best thing about them when you start as an apprentice, you get paid to learn the trade. Maybe you don't want to take that path, you could go to college and train for you dream career. There seems to be a public secret about going to college, the truth is you can get all kinds of money to live off of when you go to school, some you don't even have to pay back! You can get a loan, and college loans are cheap compared to other types of loan. Like 50$ a month if you want. Its a fact that college debt is good debt, its the best debt you can have (I actually learned this at a seminar at school) because you will always have that knowledge, and it will pay for itself. The majority of students at a given school actually live off financial aid, and don't work jobs, instead learning as a student.

But if you're going to go to college, you must be mature, and dedicated, because if you blow off school its going to come crashing down on your head. I made that mistake, but now I am succeeding in school, and have matured a lot since I was 18 and going to school. Maybe you should take the next few years and work, do things you like to do in your spare time, you might just develop a skill, and most of all discover yourself and what you want to do. That is exactly what I did.

I had a conversation with some relatives today, my brother says he thinks the last four years were a waste because according to them they didn't do things the way he wanted. My brother is very hard headed. That reminded me of how I felt I've wasted a lot of time, and I voiced this. My relatives asked me what I did these last four years, and if I enjoyed it. I told them and said yes, they said it wasn't a waste if I enjoyed it.

Anyone who says you're wasting your life doing something you love is an idiot. To the contrary, if you were to work a job you loathe the rest of your life, never do anything you wanted to, that would be a waste. There's more to life than money and getting laid (as so much emphasis is put on), and trying to live up to everyone else's impossible expectations.

Aspirer wrote:You and I have a lot in common...

You should change your name to Inspirer. Well said.

"If you put your mind to it. You can accomplish anything." -Marty McFly, Back to the Future.

Just remember there are people who have been homeless that have went to Harvard. Your life is what you make of it. Set a long term goal and then break that down into smaller pieces that will give you quick wins. These will become short term goals. Take each of these tasks one at a time till you knock them out and achieve your long term goal. If you have trouble with one of these "short" tasks and it seems overly big see if you can break it down further.

This will not only help you dig out of your situation, but it will also teach you a valuable lesson in breaking down big tasks that is invaluable in programming as well as life.

WELCOME TO LIFE MUTHAFUCKAAA

Rebornxeno wrote:WELCOME TO LIFE MUTHAFUCKAAA

Damn man, you almost made me spill coffee all over my computer!

dandymcgee wrote:

Aspirer wrote:You and I have a lot in common...

You should change your name to Inspirer. Well said.

Agreed, very good advice!

mattheweston wrote:Just remember there are people who have been homeless that have went to Harvard.

That is actually true, I remember a video about this and its so strange to see... you would think wow someone is big and successful and got 2 degrees at Harvard then boom there goes another tramp on the street that no one even notices because they couldn't get a job! Here it is:

I think what that homeless guy did wrong was not set aside enough money for expenses in case the job didn't pan out..

GroundUpEngine wrote:

mattheweston wrote:Just remember there are people who have been homeless that have went to Harvard.

That is actually true, I remember a video about this and its so strange to see... you would think wow someone is big and successful and got 2 degrees at Harvard then boom there goes another tramp on the street that no one even notices because they couldn't get a job!

Maybe it's just me, but I read that as there exists at least one person who was homeless and then went to Harvard.

dandymcgee wrote:

GroundUpEngine wrote:

mattheweston wrote:Just remember there are people who have been homeless that have went to Harvard.

That is actually true, I remember a video about this and its so strange to see... you would think wow someone is big and successful and got 2 degrees at Harvard then boom there goes another tramp on the street that no one even notices because they couldn't get a job!

Maybe it's just me, but I read that as there exists at least one person who was homeless and then went to Harvard.

That's how I read it the first time too